<p><em>Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday at Defector during the NFL season. Got something you wanna contribute? </em><a href="mailto:funbag@defector.com"><em>Email the Roo</em></a><em>. You can also read Drew over at </em><a href="https://www.sfgate.com/author/drew-magary/"><em>SFGATE</em></a><em>, and </em><a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/232152/drew-magary/"><em>buy Drew’s books</em></a><em> while </em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087HC32K2/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1"><em>you’re at it</em></a><em>.</em></p>
<p>Late afternoon football is the best football. The NFL regular season can make you forget this evergreen fact, because the 4 p.m. slot is custom-made for viewers to steal a nap while one shitty AFC West team battles another. But then the playoffs arrive, and you and I are reminded of what makes twilight football—outdoors and on grass—special. You start off in broad daylight as both teams fuck around for a quarter or two. Then the sun slowly begins to bleed away, taking all distractions along with it as it sinks below the horizon. Now we’re in primetime, when everyone is watching. Now every player on the field is in the spotlight, and you, the viewer at home, are dialed in. Our long afternoon’s journey into night is over, and shit is starting to get intense. Shit is starting to <em>matter</em>.</p>
<p>Also, it’s cocktail hour.</p>