<p><em>Time for your weekly edition of the Defector Funbag. Got something on your mind? </em><a href="mailto:funbag@defector.com"><em>Email the Funbag</em></a><em>. You can also read Drew over at </em><a href="https://www.sfgate.com/author/drew-magary/"><em>SFGate</em></a><em>, and </em><a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/232152/drew-magary/"><em>buy Drew’s books</em></a><em> while </em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087HC32K2/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1"><em>you’re at it</em></a><em>. Today, we're talking about food hangups, cockroaches in heaven, shitting your pants on the football field, and more.</em></p>
<p>Before I get started, you guys might know that I moonlight as a weekly columnist over at <a href="https://www.sfgate.com/author/drew-magary/">SFGate</a>. I joke that I work for the only two decent news sites left in America, because it's kinda true. But SFGate, like virtually every other media company dependent on ad revenue, got hammered when <a href="https://www.sfgate.com/tech/article/new-google-ai-22279112.php">Google turned its search product into an AI mill</a>. To help counter the losses, my overlords at the gate rolled out <a href="https://www.sfgate.com/news/article/friends-of-sfgate-app-22346568.php">a subscription app</a> for the site last week. Like Defector, it’s a cheap date, it has a clean, ad-free interface, and it protects the company newsroom from being decimated by outside forces. So if you can spare five bucks a month, please consider giving it a whirl.</p>
<p>Now, your letters:</p>